Have you ever said something that resulted in the very opposite reaction of which you expected? It happened to me. I was in a big easy chair faithfully getting an infusion when a 50ish looking lady entered the room for her very first time. Fear was written all over her face. Her diagnosis was terribly fresh and she was reeling with thoughts of her mortality. The nurses were incredibly kind as they soothed her into the chair beside me. Everything they did was done slowly and with kindness as they carefully explained each step. Those needles and bags of clear fluid can be intimidating.
When there was a moment without anyone attending her I turned to her tearing eyes and said, “They will take wonderful care of you. I have been coming here for seven years and I am doing really well.” I couldn’t have said anything worse. Mentioning seven years put her over the top and the sobbing began. She was crushed and so was I as I realized that time remark must have sounded like an eternal life sentence. I was so sorry.
But what can you do after you have spoken? You can’t take the words back. Unlike a white board in a classroom you cannot erase what has been spoken. There it was like a giant monster hovering over her. I was Dr. Frankenstein who had created this living thing. Fortunately for me the oncologist came over and skillfully undid what I had done.
Sometimes our very best intentions go awry. All we can do is be sorry and pray that somehow it will be rectified. Sometimes the problem continues not because of us but because the other will not let it go. That is sad. But at least we did our best.
Written by Roger Bothwell on November 19, 2013
Spring of Life, PO Box 124, St. Helena, CA 94574
Rogerbothwell.org