If we have been hurt, but don't know we were hurt, have we really been hurt?
Many years ago I was the pastor in a small southern town. Pastors were paid
according to some sophisticated cost of living scale that pertained to where
the pastor lived. While I was there the conference office with all its
officialdom left the big city and came to my small town. To help the
officials absorb moving costs the living scale for my small town was raised.
When asked if the higher pay rate would pertain to the Bothwells who already
lived there, the decision was made that while those who were moving would be
on the higher scale the Bothwells would "stay on the lower scale because
they wouldn't know about it." (Did they really think we wouldn't find out?)

If you asked me if I was hurt I would most likely say, "No. It was no big
deal." However, it certainly did not make a favorable impression because
decades later I can still remember the event. Does that mean because I
remember I haven't forgiven? I hope not. A lack of forgiveness on my part
will never harm anyone except me. Perhaps that is one of life's more
difficult lessons. When we withhold forgiveness from someone we rarely hurt
that someone. It is we who are poisoned by feelings that "we" were not
treated right. We are the ones whose sleep is made restless.

When Jesus told us to forgive as we seek forgiveness for our transgressions
He struck upon a fundamental psychological law. The quality of our lives is
the fruit of decisions we make regarding what has happened to us. Over the
span of our lives we most likely have received the same amount of good and
bad. The difference at the end that determines whether life has been good
or bad is what we choose to forget.